Have Fedora will travel ANYWHERE for $1000 per/wk + expenses

I think it is time to put that saying from my business card “Have Fedora will Travel” into practical application and begin thinking outside of the box.

Do you have an event anywhere in the country that you want covered? I’m willing to do it. My fee is very straightforward. 1 week: $1000 plus expenses.

Why am I doing this?

As my D-Day grows ever closer and my job prospects continue to be unpromising I note that my blog prospects continue to grow. My total hits for Jan & Feb were over 80% of my total for the entire previous year. UPDATE: As of March 15 2010 my total hits for 2010 have exceeded my total for all of 2009 and my prospects continue to rise. I’m not yet looking at Stacy’s Million per year but I’m certainly heading in the right direction.

The continued success of the blog coupled with my continued failure to find work in my field puts me in a dilemma. Potentially the blog’s success could turn into something that might support me but I’m not sure that people are dying to pay me to write from Fitchburg, (fascinating though I find my home town). I’ve now managed some national and state attention. I’ve been a credentialed blogger both at the state (Brown Election) level and at the national level (CPAC). It appears to have been well received. My short films though not anywhere near viral have gained a tad of interest. I hope and suspect I will only get better at both writing and interviewing as time goes on.

If I’m going to support my family, the blog and I are going to have to do our part, to wit the offer; $1000 a week plus expenses. (I figure 1k instead of $800 because there will be weeks where I get no offers so 40 weeks a year or so will get me to my old pay).

So Those expenses include:

The cost of a round trip plane ticket to get there , a hotel room for the week and a rented car+ any baggage fees (I have no trouble using priceline and getting a combined price). If you live within 3 hours drive from Fitchburg I will need 25 cents per mile to get there plus 25 cents a mile if I am using my own car.

A meal allowance of $30 a day (Don’t let the waistline fool you I can eat cheap).

Gas money for the car if I have to drive or Subway money if I take a train at the location.

Incidental expenses such as tolls.

1 Package of AA batteries to keep me filming. (at least 8 batteries).

Some details:

I will be happy to pull a Stacy McCain and Crash on a couch to save someone money, likewise if a person wants to loan me the use of a Room a/la Smitty that is cool too as long as it is not crawling with bugs.

I am VERY Catholic. No matter where you send me or what the assignment is I need access to a Saturday or Sunday Mass to fulfill my obligation. This is a Sine Non Qua! to any trip.

Once I know where you are sending me I will give you an expense price. The total price must be in my hand before I book my travel.. This is going to be non-refundable since I’m going to have to say “No” to someone else for whatever week this is.

Maximum of one week in any location.

If you are a blogger I will be happy to film you and meet you and include you in the DaTechGuy’s field guide series.

I will be happy to party with you and your friends but be aware I’m not a drinker or a drug guy. I might manage one Chivas or a glass or two of Lambrusco but if you want to see me on a bender you are out of luck. I’ll attend and be fun, but I’m not getting smashed.

If you produce illegal drugs I’m turning around and leaving and keeping the fees, no warning, no second chances, no exceptions! Along the same lines don’t ask me to do anything illegal except for protesting against Abortion or Jihad.

DaTechGuy is not responsible for Canceled Flights, Earthquakes, Federal Alerts, Global Warming or the canceling of your favorite TV show. If something goes down I’ll try my best to get alternate transportation to your location.

The weeks of March 18th, April 9th, May 18th, July 14, October 20th, Thanksgiving, and the Period between December 23rd to the week of my Open house (Varying from Jan 1-7) are reserved for my family, unless they are willing to travel with me and you are willing to pick up the tab for the extra rooms and meals. If so their expenses need to be covered at the same rate and I must reserve at least 3 hours a day OR one full day of a week for them.

My mother is in her mid 80’s, My Aunt who has been very good to me turns 89 this month, I have sisters and brothers. If any of them die, I intend to drop everything and go home ASAP. In such a case I will refund a portion of the $1000 pro-rated to the time you lose.

Don’t ask me to do something that’s going to get me killed unless it involves going to Iraq or Afghanistan. I figure if our troops can go there so I can.

Don’t ask me to lie or do anything dishonorable.

I am a very fussy eater, If you offer me something I don’t like don’t be surprised or insulted if I don’t eat it.

Feel free to take pictures of me, my hats etc… but at this time I do NOT take pictures with people. You will notice there is only one picture of me from CPAC posing with anyone. Stacy & Smitty are exempt from this rule and in the future I might make other exceptions but be aware of this before you book me.

Two pet peeves: I don’t like profanity although I will put up with a certain amount, I tend to get blunter the more tired I am so be aware of this before hand.

In return for the above considerations I promise the following:

I will work hard and diligently to cover whatever story you are asking me to cover, I promise you a minimum of 40 hours of work covering said story, that includes local travel and the time it takes to write and post said stories.

I promise to report truth. I promise to treat any subject you want me to cover fairly. I promise not to edit film to exclude items.

If I am covering an event I will do my best to give an accurate portrait of said event with the understanding that I am only one person and can only be at one place at a time.

If it is an event you want me to appear at as a “featured” person I will participate to my utmost. (In such a situation if I am part of a panel un-posed photos with a panel are allowed)

I will keep as open a mind as possible concerning your cause and/or opinion without compromising my own. If your candidate or cause is something I don’t support I will cover it as fairly as possible.

If your cause is for something I consider evil (such as Abortion or Jihad) I’ll will allow you to make your point and will quote you accurately, but I reserve the right to make my own counterpoints.

I will not “Ambush” you. I will do my best to treat you and anyone I encounter, with the honor and dignity that all people deserve.

If you request it I will bring at least one extra Fedora for you to wear if we are covering a story together.

For an extra $20-$50 I will bring Cannoli, If Cannoli can be purchased locally at your location I will buy it there, otherwise I will take it with me on the plane.

This offer will begin after April 15th of this year. This will give me time to get the taxes out and to resolve any legalities required for me to do the whole shabang.

If you have any questions just e-mail me. Put the words “Have Fedora will travel” in the subject line. This is a work in progress so I likely have some questions too. I’ll do my best to resolve them all.

The prices listed are good thru till April 15 2011.

And of course if you just want to give me your hard earned money without any strings or obligations you can always just hit the “I’ll do it myself Tucker Fund.”

If you want references, my references are this blog, but feel free to contact Stacy McCain to ask him if he thinks I’m worth it. If I end up doing this for you I will request that I can use your experience with me as a reference too.

Update: Oh Brother an Instalanche! If that doesn’t generate some business along these lines nothing will. Hello all. Have a look around, We have extensive CPAC coverage (74 posts during the convention) including dozens of interviews with the regular people who make CPAC tick. Check out my ongoing field guide to CPAC bloggers Learn why an awesome 20/40 face beats a rule 5 beauty every day of the week. See real live sausage making and discover how much cleaner it is than making laws and check back tomorrow for some photos and video from the largest arcade in the world.