…says Little Miss Attila:
This is not the world I want my niece and church sponsee to live in (and I’m delighted to say that they haven’t bought into this nonsense at all). But we have to get back to a place wherein “sexual freedom,” as a cultural norm, actually includes the freedom to say “no.” (emphasis mine) This in turn requires that we celebrate the notion of dating as something that doesn’t require sex, and we appreciate the wonders of human attraction without having to act on them every single freakin’ time, for crying out loud.
If you look at the culture you will see that if you are a guy and you are not looking to score every time, there is something wrong with you, and if you don’t score then your date is a failure. She continues:
I’m one of those who thinks this has more to do with the misuse of feminism than the misuse of birth control, and I know I occupy a strange middle ground inasmuch as I’m not quite a proper social conservative.
Yet what we’ve created at this point is a situation in which women and girls attempt to ignore their own emotions and “out-detach” the boys. In practice, this means many have trained themselves to be sexually available, and make no demands whatsover–and, yes: in some circles, a request to spend time with a guy doing anything other than sex is considered a “demand,” as Wendy Shalit has documented extensively in her books.
Joy mentioned Wendy on my show a few weeks ago. Let me tell you that is a real problem, particularly when you are trying to teach teenage boys restraint in these matters.
As Aquainus said love is: “Wanting the best for the other without thought to self.” Not being a woman I can’t comment from that direction, but as a man it can’t be stressed enough that no matter how attractive the prospect might be, if you actually love a woman you have to be able to say “no” when the situation calls for it. For a young man today that can bring social ridicule from his peers and from a society that equates “scoring” with success as a man and celebrates it at all levels.
There was a time when this was not true. In the movie the Philadelphia story a smitten Jimmy Stewart reveals that although he had the chance he did not take advantage of a willing Katherine Hepburn on the day before her wedding. Hepburn’s character is unexpectedly outraged:
“Why? Was I so unattractive? So distant? So forbidding?
No, no you were extremely attractive as for distant or forbidding far from it, but You were a little worse the wear for alcohol, and there are rules about that kind of thing.
Now watching the scene prior and after this there is no question he wants her, he even proposes at a later point but is unwilling to take advantage of her. Remember also this movie is from the 40’s when Stewart’s character wouldn’t face the same legal consequences that such a move might have today, yet still he does not act.
It is that admiration and acceptance of virtue, rather than its ridicule that is missing from the society until it is regained then I suspect that the situation that Attila laments will continue
Update: I don’t know if it was intentional but Robert Stacy McCain skewers those most responsible for what Attila is lamenting