Let’s play what if Today’s Fitchburg City Counsel served…

Posted: February 17, 2010 by datechguy in local stuff, opinion/news
Tags: , , ,

…On April 18, 1775

President Hay: The counsel will come to order, we have several items to deal with including the bond issue concerning the water wheel for the public mill on the Nashua so I’m hoping that we can get through the public comment on the petitions concerning the events of this morning that Mr. Dawes has brought up quickly. First let us salute the flag:

(Crowd faces the Union Jack and sings “God save the King”)

President Hay: Let us resume: It is now time for public comment any who wish to speak to a pending resolution may do so.

Farmer John: Hello My name is John Conroy, I have a farm at the top of the hill and I’d like to speak about the need to send the militta to help fight the Royal Troops

Counselor Conry: Point of order Mr. President. The petition doesn’t mention anything about Royal Troops or fighting, it simply states request that we provide “aid” to the citizens of the towns of Lexington and Concord.

President Hay: I’d like to give the citizen a little leeway since he and the others have left their farm on such a muddy day but I’ll will remind you Mr. Conroy that the resolution does not mention fighting or Royal Troops so please avoid such terms.

Farmer John: Thank you, Mr. President, I would like to speak to the history of the actions of the crown, The Stamp Act the Tea act, the closing of the port of Boston and the arrival of the Lobersterbacks…

Counselor Conry: Point of order Mr. President these are not on the agenda. Please I request that you keep the witnesses arguments germane, and we should not be using the word “Lobsterbacks” either.

Counselor Kaddy: Mr. President I would like to point out that the situation is highly emotional and should be given time to be considered, after all the rider only arrived at the tavern this afternoon:

Tax Collector Dominic: I would like to know where the mayor is tonight when we are discussing this.

President Hay: Tax collector you are out of order, Counselor Reynolds..

Reynolds: Mr. President we all know the situation, it has been building the Boston Massacre 5 years ago…

Counselor Solomito: Point of order Mr. President I would like to hear the report of the City Solicitor

Solicitor Ciota: Gentlemen if you all observe the parchment in front of you, you can clearly see the crown rulings concerning such actions dating back to the Guy Fawkes, You will also note the penalties involved when Boston did similar things. We would be risking the same penalties or worse if we do the same as the case law clearly shows.

Counselor Kaddy: Mr President I think we are rushing these things much too fast, I think the 2nd resolution stating that we deplore the use of Royal Troops against the citizens of Concord should be studied for at least two weeks before we continue.

Counselor Tran: Mr. President my resolution is not legally binding and doesn’t mention the crown.

Solicitor Ciota: I would like to point out that even if the resolution to dispatch Captain Ebeneezer Bridge does not pass the second resolution would be prima facie evidence that we illegally supported the actions against the crown.

Counselor Reynolds: Patriots are dying Mr. President

Counselor Conry: I am sick of hearing people complain with handbills at Kimball’s store about me. Everyone here knows I’m personally opposed to Taxation without representation but I don’t want to bring our Town to further financial risk.

Counselor Boisvert: Mr. President couldn’t we consider Counselor Tran’s resolution after the vote on dispatching the milita?

President Hay: I’m sorry counselor Boisvert, the order of the vote has been decided.

Counselor DiNatle: Mr President I initially supported these proposals but with the advice of the city solicitor and the case law of nearly 100 years I’m convinced we will get in trouble if we do this.

Counselor Joseph: Let me quote the parchment of the solicitor: “Treasonable on its face.”

Counselor Reynolds: Gentlemen I beseech you to think carefully, the local miniute men will still be drilling at Kimball’s store, this is something we can’t ignore, the Royal Troops:

Counselor Conry: Don’t say Royal Troops!

Counselor Reynolds: I’m not afraid to say Royal Troops.

President Hay: Gentlemen the question has been called, the vote will take place now.

(Counsel votes 10-1 against dispatching the militia and 7-4 against deploring the actions of the crown)

Counselor Reynolds: Gentlemen history will not forgive us for this.

Counselor Conry: What did you think they’d be building a monument to you and Captain Bridge by the river or something?

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