I knew there was a reason I liked this kid so much when I met him:
As a stand-up comedian, I’ve seen hacks openly depict the most depraved, explicit sexual acts they can think of just to get a laugh out of the audience. Clearly, telling wiener jokes is no longer the treading of new territory that it once was.
Funnily enough, today there is one area of sex that when discussed, still makes people’s posteriors pucker with discomfort… abstinence.
Every young woman should remember the line that follows.
Constantly we hear cries of women aimed at their supposedly overly jealous boyfriends, “What’s the matter? Don’t you trust me?”
No, he doesn’t. You slept with him on the first date and there is no reason for him to think that you wouldn’t do the same when a better offer comes along emphasis mine.
I actually had to use a variation of that piece of advice to a young lady years ago who was asking my advice about dating/sleeping with a married man. This kid has learned it in his 20’s. Well done.
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or……..the woman who dates a married man who then leaves his wife to marry her and she’s surprised when he does the same to her. Duh! My mama taught me better…
It goes both ways. When men say that they want to sleep with me on the third date, I know that it’s not about love with them. They can’t later try to convince me that they now really want sex because of their deep, loving feelings that they just have to express physically; I already know that it’s about lust and getting laid with them.
Oh, and these guys do not understand that the price of getting a loyal woman who isn’t going to cheat on you is having to keep it in their pants. I lost count of the number of men I’ve dated who have been cheated on and want me to act like their skanky cheating exes, but are so thrilled that they are dating a nice woman who doesn’t sleep around and won’t cheat on them. It’s mind-boggling.
On married men: not that I condone divorce, but… men are with the women they love. Period. End of story. if he loves you, he will first file divorce papers, end his marriage, and start dating you when he can proudly take you out in public, show you off to his friends, and tell his family about you. If he’s not doing that, he’s not in love and just wants action on the side.
Well in fairness men being men it’s not a question of if they want to sleep with you, (they are men, as a rule men want to sleep with women) it’s more of a question if they understand limits and propriety. Can a man rise about the normal instinct and to respect the feelings of the women they are with.
In the old days it was clearly understood that limits existed and to some degree where the limits were believed to be. Even when exceeded it was understood that this was an exception rather than the rule.
If the bar is set low for the limits of men it makes it very hard for men to rise to the occasion and act like a gentleman.
Hum… slight disagreements here. First, I don’t think it’s about propriety (or just about propriety); it’s about love, values, and those things that make for a good relationship. (Okay, my pragmatic side would like to weigh in and say this: it’s also a health thing and a basic human decency thing. AIDS has been around for my entire life. My generation grew up listening to talk of STDs. So casual sex strikes me as particularly callous.)
And, call me crazy, but I want a man who wants to wait, no matter what his body wants, and who would wait even if he was with a woman who did not want to wait.
Also, there is a definite correlation between how men view waiting, physicality, and their views on child-murder, as in, those who ask for sex early on tend to have a hard-on for abortion in ways that those who (whatever their bodies may be saying) do not.
I’ll also throw this out there: more men than women cheat in marriage; in fact, some cynical stats show that about half of men cheat at some point or another. Far too many women put up with the “Well, all men want sex, of course” line and do not take the time to seriously consider the values of the men they are dating.
I think you’re missing something.
Your abortion point is post-worthy on its own and you are right that too many women use the “all men want sex line” as an excuse to give in, (either to make things “easier” or because they actually want to give in but that’s a question for another day), however it is all part of the nature of civilization.
There is a reason why for example Christianity in general and Catholicism in particular are a cry against the world. It is because the world is diametrically opposed to them. There is a reason why humans NEED ten commandments, the golden rule and redemption, it is because our nature draws us elsewhere.
You will find some exceptional men who have different priorities (or different deadly sins that they are fighting or giving in to) but the bottom line is all of those good things, love, values and yes culture and propriety all exist to help restrain us, to tell us to pause and think before we act out of instinct or impulse.
Great example, I had a situation recently where I was very upset and offended in a particular setting. My instinct and my sense of outrage informed me to confront and fight it, but given the location, and the effect it would have had, not for myself but for others (and thanks to a prayer or two to my guardian angel) that instinct was resistible.
Some men are taught this, some learn this and some are never taught, this is why a good woman is so important because it is my experience that a good woman will make a man strive to be better than he is.
I’m not saying that humans are perfect and lack a tendency towards wrongdoing (but humans can also have tendencies towards selfless things that are every bit as instinctual as those bad things), but I am saying that what a man does with his desire is 100% a character issue. Saying that it’s as social issue or an issue of how women make men better really obscures the basic fact that it’s a character issue that has a huge correlation to how the relationship (and marriage) will fare. Just as Crowder said that men who slept with their girlfriends on the first date don’t trust them to not sleep around later, women should not trust men who have sex on the first date, either!
Please don’t forget that people tell me everything and that I get along very well with a lot of men. The result is that I probably know far too much about too many people’s relationships and marriages, and I’m here to tell you that men who sleep around before marriage make lousy husbands after marriage.